In the past when I heard the words 'something new', my mind immediately associated it with 'starting over.' But as I've gotten older, I have realised it doesn't have to be so definitive. It could just be something different to apply your knowledge and skills towards. In it’s purest form it’s pretty simple. Something new by any means, is a form of change.
As a child, I was afraid of change. Growing up and learning that the only constant was change, was a concept that kinda freaked me out. But it also annoyed me. People telling me I needed to accept things when I clearly wasn’t quite ready to. When things were good, I didn’t want them to change. And when things were bad, I wanted them to change but didn’t know how to change them. I guess that’s when I was beginning to learn that you can be in control over some things in your life; your destiny if you believe that sort of thing.
Living in a first-world country helps. Where we have endless opportunities. Well, maybe not endless but a lot more than many other places. I saw a meme once that read “Manifest and white privilege”. It really got me thinking. ‘Something new’ shouldn't be viewed as something scary. It should be viewed as an opportunity that not everybody has access to. If knowledge is power, then obtaining new knowledge is just learning a new skill that will give you broader access to things you couldn’t reach before. And that is pretty powerful. I think ‘starting over’ is one of those things where there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Sure, there are easier and harder ways to do things (like everything in life), but you won’t learn until you try. And if you don’t make mistakes, you won’t know what to do or what not to repeat again.
I think about my parents sending my older sister to a private school. She became a lawyer. When I was in high school, I only seem to remember there being two choices. To be a doctor or a lawyer.
Was it my father who told me that? And was it because that is what his mother or father told him? He didn't listen to them, so did he feel he had to tell his kids to do that because maybe he felt that he made a wrong decision?
All I know is I never became either of those things. During my week of work experience at a law firm when I was 15, every lawyer I spoke to asked if I wanted to be a lawyer. I said I was unsure. EVERY one of them told me not to be one. Maybe they were just joking and trying to be funny. But surely that’s saying something. So, for once in my life I listened. Maybe because I did not want to be one anyway, but I think mainly because I saw it as if they were trying so hard to act or convince themselves that they were doing what they wanted to do with their lives. But upon seeing a young kid like me, unsure of their place in the world, they simply couldn’t resist telling me -via subtext of course- how unhappy they really were. And maybe they were trying to save me from making the same mistakes they had.
In the past when I heard the words 'something new', my mind immediately associated it with 'starting over.' But as I've gotten older, I have realised it doesn't have to be so definitive. It could just be something different to apply your knowledge and skills towards. In it’s purest form it’s pretty simple. Something new by any means, is a form of change.
As a child, I was afraid of change. Growing up and learning that the only constant was change, was a concept that kinda freaked me out. But it also annoyed me. People telling me I needed to accept things when I clearly wasn’t quite ready to. When things were good, I didn’t want them to change. And when things were bad, I wanted them to change but didn’t know how to change them. I guess that’s when I was beginning to learn that you can be in control over some things in your life; your destiny if you believe that sort of thing.
Living in a first-world country helps. Where we have endless opportunities. Well, maybe not endless but a lot more than many other places. I saw a meme once that read “Manifest and white privilege”. It really got me thinking. ‘Something new’ shouldn't be viewed as something scary. It should be viewed as an opportunity that not everybody has access to. If knowledge is power, then obtaining new knowledge is just learning a new skill that will give you broader access to things you couldn’t reach before. And that is pretty powerful. I think ‘starting over’ is one of those things where there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Sure, there are easier and harder ways to do things (like everything in life), but you won’t learn until you try. And if you don’t make mistakes, you won’t know what to do or what not to repeat again.
I think about my parents sending my older sister to a private school. She became a lawyer. When I was in high school, I only seem to remember there being two choices. To be a doctor or a lawyer.
Was it my father who told me that? And was it because that is what his mother or father told him? He didn't listen to them, so did he feel he had to tell his kids to do that because maybe he felt that he made a wrong decision?
All I know is I never became either of those things. During my week of work experience at a law firm when I was 15, every lawyer I spoke to asked if I wanted to be a lawyer. I said I was unsure. EVERY one of them told me not to be one. Maybe they were just joking and trying to be funny. But surely that’s saying something. So, for once in my life I listened. Maybe because I did not want to be one anyway, but I think mainly because I saw it as if they were trying so hard to act or convince themselves that they were doing what they wanted to do with their lives. But upon seeing a young kid like me, unsure of their place in the world, they simply couldn’t resist telling me -via subtext of course- how unhappy they really were. And maybe they were trying to save me from making the same mistakes they had.
Like everything, maybe I completely misread the situation and was just taking what I wanted to from the experience. I guess we will never know. I’d never really thought about it until now. So, 15 years after school ended, I’m starting something new. I’m studying radio broadcasting and music production. Something I was always interested in but didn’t think I could ever pursue. Nine years of working in the wrong industry made me realise that time isn’t running out, it just seems to be going faster as I get older. And the more I realise how many things I haven’t done yet, the more I want to do. Like yoga, meditation, exercise, making music, getting better at drawing, study! Slowly I try to do a little of everything while trying to maintain my sanity. Here’s something I drew to help me feel calmer about not having my life together just yet. And when it all gets a bit overwhelming, I tell myself to just breathe. x
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